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Hailey Bieber Just Wants To Feel Like Herself

If you didn’t know better you’d think Hailey Bieber was everywhere at all times. See her traveling the world with her husband Justin Bieber. See her on magazine covers, regularly. And see her both at Paris Fashion Week and on late night TV in the same week. Despite being on a plane for more hours than any one human should be and constantly being tracked by relentless paparazzi, she always manages to look flawless.

On a brief break from her busy schedule the newlywed supermodel and face of BareMinerals spoke with ELLE.com about her top ten beauty commandments, plus her wedding makeup, the beauty tips she wants to steal from her friend Kendall Jenner, and the eyebrow shape she’ll never go back to again.

Go Bare

A lot of the time what I’m wearing reflects how I feel. I love being on the beach in the sun with no makeup. I feel very sexy and completely natural.

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Mike Bloomberg: ‘LOL Oops!’

After rolling up on the Democratic primary with the same energy of the friend who shows up late to the club, insists on bottle service, and then says huffily, “Fine, if you’re going to be weird about it, I’ll just pay!”, Michael Bloomberg has taken his half-finished magnum of Cristal and gone home. After a disappointing showing in the Super Tuesday primaries, Bloomberg announced he was suspending his campaign. Some would say this puts the nail in the coffin of his presidential ambitions, but he assured supporters he was not gone; he’d simply stepped into another room in his 22,000-square-foot house.

Having dropped a cool half a billion dollars, Bloomberg tweeted that he was leaving the race for the same reason he got into it: “to defeat Donald Trump.” Ah, yes, much to be inspired by here. This is a tactic from the Force Majeure school of politics. He’s like “I wasn’t running away from the avalanche; I was running toward the other side of the avalanche.” Whomst among us hasn’t spend the GDP of Tonga to achieve the opposite of what we set out to do? Mike Bloomberg’s like “I said I wanted to be president but I also never said I didn’t want to be president. Anyway, I gotta go dust my wine cave.”

I will say, I feel it’s a grave injustice that Bloomberg’s campaign ended before he got to my state because I was very interested in attending one of his rallies with catered food and an open bar. Would I have voted for him? Not if he was the last billionaire on Earth. But, like my icon JLo in Hustlers, I will let him buy me cocktail and throw dollars at my feet. This is America! Alas, the former mayor tried to buy his way into the White House but found himself blue-lined into another neighborhood.

BY R. ERIC THOMAS

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How To Work From Home Most Chaotically

Companies and schools around the nation are making strides to protect the health and well-being of their employees and the population at-large by shifting business to remote locations this week, forcing many workers to grapple with the challenge of completing their normal workload from the distracting comfort of their homes. The internet was quick to respond with a plethora of articles on how to work from home most responsibly, featuring tips like “shower and get dressed to start your day” and “eat lunch.” These are great suggestions but, as a chaos Muppet who has worked from home for years, they’re incomprehensible to me. What none of these articles seem to consider is that the pivot to being a responsible human being and productive employee may be too jarring in these uncertain times. Where is the advice for people who experience office life as a succession of shambles punctuated by low stakes gossip and high stakes free food and want to bring that energy into their living rooms? Where is the representation for people who stroll through open floor plans talking loudly, holding a Gladware container full of freshly microwaved salmon?

Fortunately, years of spiraling on my couch whilst haranguing my office Slack channel with non sequiturs and GIFs from The Birdcage has prepared me for this moment. Take my hand (Wait! Don’t do that; take my elbow) and let me guide you through the process of turning your remote work experience into utter mayhem that will surely bring about ruin.

Getting dressed

“Experts” strongly suggest starting your day as you normally would by putting on “outside clothes” to trick your brain into thinking that you’re “a functional member of society.” That’s malarkey. They really want you sitting up in your living room, watching The Kelly Clarkson Show in a bra or a tie? Or both? Grow up! Literally do not even think about getting dressed until about 2 p.m. and then put on your prom outfit. Walk around your house in it like Miss Havisham. Stand by the window ominously so your neighbors think your place is haunted. Really lean into it. The only relationship you should have with professional attire is aimlessly ordering a bunch of it online so you can give yourself a little fashion show later in the week. It’s important to set a schedule for yourself.